Never before have I blogged of my story, however like a lot of other woman, most don't understand this love I have for a man. Not only a man, MY MAN. He's handsome (okay really sexy), amazing, caring, and honest. The perfect man for me. Now not all love stories are perfect, there is a downfall. He's a prisoner currently serving a sentence of 36 years to life. I can not begin to explain how this happened, but today I will try... Bare with me.
A year ago I took a chance on writing to an inmate. At first we were strangers, we became friends, then something changed. His letters became softer, more caring and loving. I ignored this. Whenever I had read about woman being in love with men like this my initial thought was "are you fxcking crazy?". I always said that would never be me. I knew I had feelings, but I kept them at bay. I controlled them the best I could. I did well , until he confessed his feelings. My life changed forever and I had not realized it yet. He never forced me to feel the same, he let me know it was okay for me to walk away or to not feel the same and continue with this friendship, that he of all people knew that life can change in an instant and it's better to not have regrets and say what you mean. I knew already the way I felt, I chose not to share to try to get it under control. I couldn't, I wouldn't. One day I woke up and looked in the mirror... I smiled and said "fxck it, I love him and it's time to let him know."
Initial reaction for most my friends and family was the normal "A CONVICT?" "He's a monster" "You're far too pretty to waste your life". I'm constantly defending what I have and will continue to do so until either they come around or they drop the subject all together. Now this hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. Anyone in my same shoes can tell you how hard this is on a daily basis. It's a struggle with emotions, happiness, sadness, depression, loneliness, and joy. There are more bad points than good. However we focus on the good. It takes a strong woman to stand by a man they can not touch nor even get a simple phone call from. I can not pick up the phone and call him whenever I need to, I can't wake up in the middle of the night and feel comforted by him and I can not wake up in the morning curled up in his arms. What I can do is simple. I can write a letter as many times a week as I want and let him know what's going on inside of me. How I am feeling and the impact this has on me. I express myself through pen and paper.
Love knows no boundaries. We are thousands of miles apart separated by locks, bars and high walls. For fxck sake he doesn't even have a window in his cell, but that does not define who we are together. We make a team that fights until the very end. We are each others biggest supporters. One letter can change my whole day. I may not know what your thinking about after you read this, but I do know one thing. Writing a prisoner not only changes their lives, but they change our lives too. They impact our life and are a constant flow of positive. Even if you do it to brighten someones day in a lonely cell somewhere always take the chances and let go. These men are not "monsters", they are not "animals", they are human. Every human deserves a chance. Compassion is the word of the day today. When compassion is given we learn to open our lives to the unknown and reach a level of happiness. So, next time someone tells you the write, love, married an inmate, stop with the rude comments. Put yourself in their shoes and see what it's like to brighten a lonely man/womans day.
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