Bagherra is in a Prison in a Prison, if this doesn't make sense to you figure it out. He's on lock down 23 hours a day, he hasn't felt the sun in 3 years and everyday is a fight to keep sane. This letter we focused on how he does that. On what keeps in going day to day. We talked about giving back to the community and of course Ariel. We also touched on the people that stood against him and I corresponding. I have 3 quotes today.
"I’ve been doing time since I was a kid fighting and writing have always been my way of expressing myself. Getting to know someone through pen and paper it is not new to me in fact I truly believe is the easiest, fastest, and safest way to feel and see who a person truly is! However not everybody seems to think this way. Nor are they willing to give themselves an opportunity or to see beyond what the next person might say!"
Many inmates have been doing the snail mail routine for years. People coming in and our of their lives. I could only imagine how hard it is on them to lose someone close to them after so long and have to pick up the pieces. Some pen pals of these inmates stop writing for many reasons. All I can say is to those who choose to write make sure you have the time to make the commitment. Yes, life does move forward and life does get busy, explain it to those you write to, don't just drop off the map and leave them wondering. They have enough to deal with on the inside and don't need to worry about the dreaded answer "WHY?". Bagherra is real in his writing. He knows that this life is not for everyone. That picking up pen and paper is not always a blessing, sometimes it's a curse. Many people don't start writing with a clear mind, they let others impact their decisions on how they see writing should work. You can not generalize everyone or control every situation, you must do what's best for you. Too many times I've seen people fight about the dumbest things and some people have too much voice and not enough evidence to support their claims. I've been on various forums and saw some fights right in front of me. Let me let you in on something, not everyone will get along, nor see why we write or even why we fall in love. Some older woman who have been doing this longer may come off as "snippy, rude or unsupportative", however they are truly trying to warn you of the difficulties and the things you may face. At the end of the day do what's right for you, everything we do in life is a lesson, we grow and learn from our mistakes, it's human nature. Do not let anyone else impact your decision.
"Beautiful our conversation has changed! The funny is that neither you nor I were expecting something like this! It’s funny that we tend to over look all the small things in life to come to realize that a few words written on paper can mean so much! Bring a smile and a little peace of mind all at the same time!!! Funny is how we met and that with you I feel like a nerd – a nerd with a huge crush on the most gorgeous, sexy, and popular girl in school. On the other hand it’s strange that I feel this is meant to be!"
I don't know why this quote... But I always feel attached when I read it, yes I go back and re-read his letters when I get down about not getting a new one. Get over it, I'm a sappy person. Do I need to post any more proof of how much we impact an inmate by doing such a same thing like writing a letter? Allowing someone into our lives and showing them not everything in their life is bad. Everything happens in life for a reason, I can't tell you what the reason is for Bagherra and I to meet, but it happened and now were stuck with each other. Getting emotionally involved with anyone is a very easy, simple thing, getting emotionally involved with an inmate is very easy and simple as well, however it is much harder. You can not express how you are saying the words when you write, you can only imagine it in your head. Many times letters are misinterpreted because of language barriers and not being able to express sarcasm. We must always be clear on what we are saying so that the only way to interpret our writing is by knowing, eventually your pal or loved on will understand you enough that you will not have to do this anymore. Bagherra knows when I'm joking, he knows when I'm serious and he knows when I'm being stubborn and throwing things at him in my head. He even knows which part of the letters I love most, when I laugh, when I blush and when I get sad. Remember I don't tell him these things, however he took the time to get to know me well enough to know when I am feeling these things and when I am not. We don't have to break down or over analyze everything we say to one another, in time we just got to know what is what and how it all works. In him I have someone I can be myself around, no matter how loca, or emotional I get. He understand all these emotions. It takes time to build a friendship or a relationship with an inmate like this. Keep in mind that they are taught in Prison to trust no one, so if at first you don't feel a level of trust it's because you haven't built a trust with them all the way. Give it time and be patient.
"It’s strange that we came form opposite backgrounds with very different life struggles and experiences yet we understand one another even more than what I think we know and understand ourselves."
I stress the point of giving people chances. I came from a good background, never had to worry about anything. I grew up with money to say the least, but it was far from normal. Bagherra wasn't like that. He had his struggles when growing up and he knows it. He doesn't materialize how he grew up, he doesn't blame his parents, he doesn't blame his incarceration today on that. He knows he could have done better, but fact is he didn't. We never let that barrier come between us. We just simply understood one another and never judged upon how we were brought up nor the life choices we made. We came in with no prior background of one another and we simply started our a chapter of our own book. We never compare our lives, rather we joined our lives together. I don't care if your rich or poor you must be open minded when starting a friendship with an inmate. Some of the upbringings and life struggles are hard to cope with. Some inmates have had a nightmare of a childhood. They tell you about it because they know you would want to know, they are not looking for your pity but rather your understanding. Even if you've had it rough growing up let them know. Bagherra has an amazing family who stands by his side, not all inmates have this type of support. It helps to know how far you've come to get to where your at. It's amazing how so little can truly make you feel like a better person, how you help someone who may have never had support like this before.
The inmates that we choose to allow in our lives can open our eyes to a whole different side of the world. Some of us may have been sheltered, some of us may have not. We truly can not understand how the world works if we can not look past our own lives. We must allow for other people from different backgrounds become a part of our lives, they can teach us so much about things we've never known. Inmates are inspiring to say the least. They rarely ever blame their mistakes on anyone except themselves. We must always keep in mind that there are innocent men/women in Prison. The system in the US does fail. At times they are also unjust. Far too many young men and women pay with their lives for foolish mistakes. Give them a second chance to prove they are not the monster the system paints them out to be. Don't be afraid to get to know someone. Please always remember you are writing to a person not a crime. Many woman write blogs about their experience with inmates. I know of one in particular http://lookingforthecabinbythelake.blogspot.com/ she like me is in a relationship, actually she's married to her pen pal. She gives great insight on what it's like for an older woman in a different country to be married to an American inmate. She's a great source of hope for younger women like me who are still in the very early stages of our relationships. Do not judge us all alike, we all have our own story to tell.
No comments:
Post a Comment