Let's sum it up... We spoke about his surroundings and how he would cope if he was freed. We touched more on my relationships with my loved ones and of course about our ever growing daughter who was beginning to walk and take hard falls! Watching his daughter grow through pictures is very hard on him and I try every letter to let him know what's going on. I have three quotes... Let's begin.
"Tinkerbell in your latest letter you wrote “any boy can make a baby but it takes a man to raise a child” and I believe it takes a “super mom” courageous and special woman to be both mommy and daddy for her child."
It's always touching when a man who knows a bit of what I'm going through encourages my situation. My situation is far from normal, it's a bit crazy. I will not get into it, but to know that he sees how hard it is on me at times, and how hard I try to keep it together means the world to me. Being a single parent is not glamorous, nor sexy. It's hard work. It's devoting all your time to a little puking pooping machine, but at the end of the day I go to bed happy. To have someone in my corner whispering inspiration in my ears is the most amazing thing. This brings me to why this quote... Many man/women who are locked up have children of their own. They still do parent from Prison. It's much more complicated then having both parents free, but we find a way to do this. Never think to hide your life from a convict, believe it or not they will understand what you are going through. They are not aliens from outer space, they are people who function, breath and eat. They still know what it's like to go through hardship and to push forward. We may not know what it's like to be incarcerated, but they know what it's like to be free, after all they weren't born in Prison. Many men didn't have the chance to be fathers so little ones are a big deal for them. Our letters in the beginning did focus on Ariel, and to this day there is always a section of our letters dedicated to her and her up bringing. We do parent like this, through letters. I do take advice and use it in my everyday. It's a blessing to have someone to support me like this.
"To be honest with you I was very hesitant about this website but today I believe it’s been truly worth it for me!!!! I hope you feel the same way."
Bagherra has a way with words, there is no denying this. Not all woman who choose to write pen pals in Prison are sane, this is true fact. Some women write the most nasty things in the first letter and roll with it, some men love that, some don't. Most of these men come to find someone to talk to. Someone to share experience's with and to have a positive impact on them. Through this website I found Bagherra. I am still so thankful for that, and I always will be. I was hesitant on writing anyone at first, I wasn't sure I could handle a friendship like this or be a proper support system for someone. I chose to write to I.M, that turned out a damn mess, my old pen pal and I were ready to kill each other and seeing he was already in for Capital Murder I would have lost that fight, but I was shocked at this site for allowing such greedy men to post. How was the site supposed to know that he was running a game, some women do fall for these games. BE CAREFUL. Always pay attention, if it sounds strange or he demands money chances are your not both in this for the same thing. I went back on and decided to have a look at other ads and I came across Bagherra. Another blog explains all of this so I won't repeat myself. There is so much proof out there at how successful these relationships have been (I'm not talking romantic relationships either). Many men are so grateful for these women who write. Sites like www.writeaprisoner.com are designed to help the inmate serving life down to the inmate who may need help finding housing upon release and everything in between. You would have thousands of ads to choose from and find someone right for you. You never know how much joy you can bring a person until you open your mailbox to them. Many of these men/women don't get mail for the outside.
"Sweetie I’m glad to hear you do feel comfortable expressing yourself through this pen and paper! That you believe in this friendship and that youre willing to share with me your feelings. Tinkerbell if I feel attached to you it has nothing to do with prison! As you already know I’ve heard from many girls through this site and even though I only write a couple those conversations are nothing compared to what you and I share. You’re special and it is you who should be in prison for stealing my thoughts."
I love the very last line of this quote. I'm smiling so big right now. Feelings are a part of existent. We feel because that's what we know to do. Feeling allows us to realize we are still alive. Prison sucks the life out of many men/women. I like to think I brought Bagherra some life. That I helped him see a light in such a dark place. I instantly felt comfortable with him, I felt I could tell him everything right now to my deep dark secrets. This is a good thing, being open can only escalate friendships, or in my case relationships. Trust, honesty and love are what keep any type of relationship, friends or more, alive out here. It works the same with inmates. I knew Bagherra wrote to other women, but it didn't bother me, which I found crazy of me cause I'm a stupidly jealous person. I realized that I can try to hide the world from him, but he'd resent me for it. So if you loved one is locked up and you freak because women/men write to them, fall back a minute and look around. Ask yourself "Do I have friends?" the answer should be yes, if not I'm not sure where you go from here, but think of it like this. If they were out right now would you keep them chained in the closet and feed them scraps? No, you wouldn't. So writing people is just like calling them or going to hang out with them. You can not cause a fight because they write to other people. If you do not trust them then that's on you. Some men/woman do date in Prison just as we do out here, that's them, if you don't like it don't get involved. Friendships are needed in life period. Yes we all have family but would you walk up to your mother and tell her all the bad parts of your life? I know I don't. For all the men/women who have a friendship and you don't want it to twist up or get broken don't try to stop them from writing others. Let them be them, worry about what you are investing and if you find yourself with feelings you should go on and tell them that you have so you both can talk it out accordingly. Point being not all inmates find a physical or mental attraction to who they write to. It's just like out here we have friends and we have people we date. It's not a big deal for an inmate to write to others or to develop feelings, it's a process of life in general.
My feelings developed fast and I felt an instant attachment to Bagherra. His words and knowledge are defiantly up there. He is not a man to play games like we are in high school and he's not one to be a liar. He's honest, down to earth and caring (yes, I know I sound repetitive, I don't give a shit this is my blog). If you take a chance on an inmate remember that feelings do develop, a bond is formed and it can go either way. I fed into it because I felt the same. If you do not feel the same take a step back. Read what others may have gone through, or what they may have said to keep the relationship platonic. If you don't write an inmate and you think we are all crazy you are generalizing a whole bunch of people. We are not crazy, I mean we are human we all have a snap or two, but for the most part we are normal average people. We do carry on a regular life outside of our letters and we do raise families and go on to be old just like you. Were not so different, we just aren't afraid to take the chance. You shouldn't be either. Getting to know someone through pen and paper is easy, fast and safe. It can really change your out look on those that are locked up.
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