I wont share much about this letter besides the fact it was very personal. It was all about our relationships with our family and this sentence he is serving. We were still sorting everything with our relationship out. There is also a song dedication - 'I Want To Know' by Joe. I have 3 quotes:
'I care for you more than I've ever cared for any other woman in my life for which u needed for you to hear from me how difficult this relationship will be! Hermosa I wanted for you to truly understand and fully think things through especially me not having a release date!'
Life is a long time to wait... It's also a long time to hope someone gets released on an appeal or and over turn. Laws do change and some people get lucky. Not all inmates do. This is a reality I must face. I can not pretend like all my hopes and wishes are going to come true. When entering into this relationship I knew what was going on and I took it all into account. This is where stability comes in. If you choose a life like this chances are if you want children and a beautiful life, this life many not be for you. If you need constant attention, this life may not be for you and if you are foolish enough to believe you'll single handily get them out of prison, this life is not for you. Taking your time is not a bad thing, not jumping right in is not a bad thing either and if you do not think you can handle this type of relationship than don't feel pressured to be. In the end you have to realize what you want and sometimes that means hurting someone you love. Time is your worst enemy and your best friend in a situation like this. Value the time you have and make the best of it all while knowing what's going on around you and being aware of the full circumstances.
'One way or the other for years now I've been living with hurt, uncertainty and doubt! Asking myself if I will ever leave this prison.'
I couldn't imagine living with these thoughts or having this as my reality. Life is prison is no joke. There are so many things that could happen. Life can be ended short, they could lose their mind, and they could completely shut down. It would truly be a life of solitude. You'd never have a real friend or a shoulder to lean on. Bagherra doesn't live an exciting life at all, it's very routine and plain. He has a tv and one hour a day (if they allow it) in a concrete block where the sun never reaches him. It's always bothered me that he lives like this, I never like to complain about my life, because I know he has it much worse. He always tells me that he will never complain about where he is because he made the choices that got him there, however not all inmates are like this. Some inmates are still angry, they are mad at the world and pissed off about their circumstances, in truth who can blame them. One thing I've learnt about the justice system is that there are many injustices that happens through trial and in prison. As I've said before the inmates have very little control, they have just basics and have to spend a small fortune on extra things. Living a life in solitary is hard, there is only so much you can do everyday. Working out, watching tv, writing, drawing and reading seem to be at the top of the list for what they can do. Some take things to escape the reality, some better themselves and take classes, and others drown in self pity. The pain must truly be unbearable. Always try to brighten the inmates day with a joke or a funny photo. The littlest things make the biggest difference.
'Bambina regarding the negative comments on the website everything in some cases is true with the only exception being that stupid and foolish are those who are too am scared to live because they are too worry of what the next person may think!! Stupid and foolish is to be driven away from one you love simply because its too hard to understand!!! Stupid and foolish is a man and a woman who are willing to go through so much struggle for the wrong reasons...'
I use a website to talk about things and about my relationship. I've had both positive and negative experiences, and the experiences weren't always about my relationship, some women are just simply stupid and pathetic, in turn which is why us who choose this life have such a bad rep. Some woman I've spoken with have hit the pavement running when feelings come up, other woman's planted feet down and jumped in and in some few instances some woman said if things didn't turn out the way they wanted they'd try with their inmate then. When deciding whether to be in this type of relationship or not we found ourselves leaning on our friends and family because our loved one is not there to lean on. Not many people are positive about this type of relationship and some people will turn away and not go with what they truly feel because they are afraid of what some people will think. I've talked about this before too, I always talk about happiness and things like that. Today I'll talk about something different. I'm going to talk about influence. Sometimes in life we allow other people to influence so much we believe the bullshit they send our way because it makes more sense than the truth. At times we deny the truth because its too hard to bare and we make foolish mistakes because we believe other people. I've done this before and I've paid for it. We all probably have. Don't be afraid to go against what others believe, in the end it's what you believe in and what you want to fight for. Others will never love your relationship, only you will. We all fight to keep things in life that we see as worth it. It's what makes us individuals. We can all think for ourselves, make sure you always remember that.
All letters seem to be serious and intimate in there own way. Some letters I can't stop laughing, some letters I can't stop crying and letters like these I can't stop thinking. That's what I live most about Bagherra, he may seem like the cute and cuddly type, yet I know somewhere inside of him is a man who uses his head and thinks things trough. He's made mistakes and he is not one to not admit it. He leaves all his feelings and all his insight on the page. I never second guess what he says. There was a time that I did and in truth I listened to someone else and as much as I defended Bagherra I knew a part of it all was not right. Yet, the person who told me I've later come to find out is truly a very odd woman. I've cut ties with her and realized that I made a bigger mess by sharing everything with her. I don't regret that, I learnt a lot of people's true intentions that day and how miserable people love company. I can't begin to stress the point that if you are happy, simply just be happy!! Know yourself better than you know others, focus on yourself rather than other people, and above all else trust your own opinion over other people's opinion. Your life can only go the way you want, it's true we can not plan it perfectly, but we can achieve only what we allow ourselves to. We are stronger than us ourselves think and we can handle only what we allow to effect us. People who truly love you will worry for you, yet they will not try to distort the image of the person who makes you happy, they will always stand by your side. Now, keep in mind I'm talking about a non-abusive relationship. Grab your happiness and run as fast as you can towards it!!
'Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.'
-Napoleon Hill
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