A really quick breakdown of the letter... Bagherra and I spoke about the future of our relationship. If we wanted to fight for our feelings or simply let them go. He gave me the choice to make and wanted to make sure I made the choice I believed was best. I have 2 quotes:
'Tinkerbell I love you in every way possible and there's absolutely no way that I want to lose you and my daughter but at the same time I don't want to hurt you nor do I believe it's fair for you to live through this very difficult relationship! How can I explain this to you! You are the best thing that ever happened to me! If this type of relationship is hard on me it only means that it's ten times harder on you. You are defiantly the woman and this a love I'm more than willing to fight for!!'
Nothing in this life comes easy. Nothing is just handed to you. In life too many times we choose the wrong option or the wrong path because its the 'easy' way out. In truth nothing easy is worth it. There is a fight and a struggle in everything you do. When we are young the world seems to be at our dispense and it revolves around us, why is that? It's because our parents struggle and fight to allow us to be children, they pay our bills, work a job, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs, and they provide for us. As we grow we begin to see the world for what it truly is... Hard!! Not everyone can take the pressures and some ignore it completely, others jump right in and fight to become something, to prove who they are, all while keeping yourself a bay. Relationships are very similar. In the beginning they are easy and fun, then life kicks in. It's how we handle the pressure and the stress that allows us to keep fighting, to keep pushing forward. I always talk about fighting for your own happiness, when you find it you begin to fight with the other person involved, not in a bad way, you join hands and take on the world. You find strengths inky out weaknesses and accomplish things you never thought possible. Love is a funny emotion, it truly takes a fight, dedication and a life time of work to see it through. It takes courage to admit when your wrong and even more courage to stand up for a relationship no one believes in. What matters most is how you see the relationship and the emotions you go through. Never block those around you, however never let them intervene on your own relationships. Never take the easy way out, always find a cause worth fighting for!
'Think things through and if this is something that you're willing to fight for! You and I together will fight and make this work I love you baby! And I'll be here waiting for you....'
Bagherra always allows me to make my own tough decisions. He never tries to pressure me or to reassure me, he wants to make sure I made the choice with no influence from him or anyone around me. After all this is my relationship right? I had to make the choice if I could go through something like this. I doubted myself for a time and I had myself convinced that this relationship would drain me not only emotionally, but physically. I knew there was a chance I would spend the rest f my life alone, yet with someone. Those are not what I focused on when I made those decisions. I focused on what I, myself, was able to control. I never commuted the crime, so why would I punish myself and not take my chance in happiness? Why should his sentence allow love to simply slip away? Most important why would I allow myself to turn away the only man I loved? Yes, Bagherra did some awful things to end up where he is, does that mean he's the animal they think he is? Or is it simply the mentality they figure he has. I have tons of letters to prove otherwise. This man is full of compassion, love and understanding. He doesn't place pity for what he did, not does he have malice in his heart towards me and I'm sure the victim of the crime would not agree with me, however everyone builds their own opinions. I built mine, not to make him look like a saint, however he's a decent man with a huge heart. He's done some wrong, there is no denying that, however he was young when he commuted those crimes, bits eventually turn into men, something I wish the judicial system would understand. Never allow others to convince you if something you do not believe yourself. Always trust yourself and never doubt what road you take, after all you're taking the road YOU and only you think is best for yourself! Others will not have to live your relationship, it is yours to have and to hold!
We always have choices in life, we all chose the choice which is best for us, usually that is. Too many times we allow others to dictate and to control our lives. However it gets to a point where you need to break free, to journey off and not be afraid of the unknown. We take the risk because in the end we truly believed it was worth it. Many, many years ago I was in a toxic relationship. Every time I left I always came back, not because I had to, but because I made the conscious choice to. There was no physical abuse, however the other party was hooked on something and he was drowning in his addiction. I ask myself to this day why I always went back and I smile, the smile is not for him, but for the boy I watched grow into a man, the boy I love like my own and forever when I picture him ill always see him as the 7 year old boy with eyes the color of the Mediterranean Sea! I hold no hard feelings and I've found peace within myself. I realized without that love less relationship I wouldn't be who I am today. The choices we make today will affect us tomorrow. Tomorrow is the unknown in all cases and today is the day we are promised. Take the risks, jump into the unknown, mend your broken hearts and forgive mistakes! Always admit you're wrong and don't be afraid to ask for forgiveness. Clear your heart of hate and truly learn that the world may be a horrible place, however you're pure if hate and malice. You never judge by the cover, always read the book no matter how long it is. Be willing to smile at random people just so they pay it forward. Give the next man the benefit if the doubt if you ave no proof. Love with all your heart and hold into the things worth fighting for.
'Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life; define yourself.'
-Harvey Fierstien
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