Again, this was another short letter. I had begun teaching him my first language, which is Italian. He had to translate quite a bit of sentences that I sent him. Other than that we spoke about our family and of course the highlight of our lives... Ariel. There is only one quote today, so it'll be a short one this morning!
"Babe we’ve come a long way. Even though it’s only been a few months feelings are growing yet it’s sweet and sour because this means things will get more and more difficult for us! On my part I can promise you that I am willing! Willing with all my heart and soul to live this special relationship with you and Ariel regardless of the mind-struggle if we both wish and hope for the same things, cherish this special moment and holding each other’s hand together we’ll walk through this…"
This quote has significant meaning to me. Out here we usually build a friendship, go into a relationship, fall in love, get married and then have children. In our case we built a friendship, had a child. fell in love and then it developed into a relationship. I can not even fathom how this happened, but that's the way it went down. Everyday is a struggle for an inmate, the struggle t keep their sanity, to control what is around them, to protect themselves and most importantly to survive. Now add a relationship in there and it seems like they can not handle all they have. Bagherra separates his ways in Prison and how he is with me. We rarely mixed the two together. Our relationship does not include Prison and others in Prison. It includes Bagherra, Ariel and I. Many know of our relationship and not many understand it. Try explaining that a convict isn't just a convict. I have friends that are married with children that are jealous of the relationship I share with Bagherra. They say he's a "perfect man". I disagree... Bagherra is far from perfect, but for me he is perfect. We balance each other out. Balance is truly important. Two people with short fuses are a recipe for disaster. Two people afraid to open up are a recipe for disaster. Most importantly to people that are afraid are the worst recipe you can have. If you want this to work be level headed, think things through, never make on the spot decisions. They may cost you not only your relationship but someone that means so much to you. Voice your concerns, calm your nerves and most importantly THINK!
Prisons are made to break happy homes, it's up to us that are in a relationship to fight for what you believe in, to stand beside your loved one no matter how bad things get and openly communicate with those you love. Raising children is the same concept. It is hard to have Ariel only know a photo, she has no voice reminder, no physical touch she can rely on. Women/Men out here must plant that seed not only in our minds but the minds of our children. Living a life like this will have you broken one minute and wondering why you broke the next moment. You will have a moment of weakness and tears will come. It is a part of this life. I can not begin to tell you how many times I've broken. I'm not ashamed to admit I've broken, I've thrown things and I've released built up hatred for the system. Having that release keeps my mind focused on the important things in my life. Bagherra pretty high on this list, I keep it together for him. I lean on him during times of weakness and I don't hide that side from him. He knows I'm a strong woman and capable of taking on the world by myself with very little equipment. I was raised to be independent so I don't depend on a man, instead I have a man who matches my every step, who encourages me to be better and who makes my world a better place. He is my last thought before bed and my first reminder in the morning, really everything else in between too. Find strength within the person you chose to share you life with, tell them when your feeling weak and don't be afraid to let the tears come. Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again. Don't ever forgot the direction your life is moving in and never forget those who help you get there. Loving someone is easy, making it work is the hardest thing to do!
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