For all of you that do not know, I do write other inmates and last year I required a pen pal that was almost ready to be released. I thought his release date was not quite this soon, yet when I logged into my facebook and noticed a new friend request I realized this pen pal either had someone make him a facebook or he was released. I then looked at my inbox and it was a message from him. He was paroled early and just wanted to let me know. He also let me know the best number to reach him at and wanted to keep this friendship alive. I decided against it, however we did message back and forth a couple of times.
I know that his head is not where it should be, as his girlfriend had left him right before he was released and never let him know what was going on. This can be very heartbreaking for someone who thought they had someone to go home to. My heart goes out to this man and I know the feeling of being betrayed by someone you thought loved you. This is why I am not going fourth with this friendship. I wished him the best of luck and told him regardless I am always a message away to try to help him through his darkest days.
I am writing this blog because I feel so bad for him and I want him to have a future outside of those gates that held him in for so long. I want him to find a nice girl with her life together and stop looking in all the wrong places. It seemed he was just trying to fill the void in his life. After 3 weeks out he had not done anything except sleep and party, which by all means is okay as he has been locked up for a long time, yet I know the state parole board may not see eye to eye with his new and unexpected plan. We all grieve in a different way and I hope he dusts himself off and gets his id along with a job to keep his mind occupied. He has a great family structure and they love him to pieces. I am sure he will be fine, yet I still do worry for him.
As for my personal life, Bagherra and I have hit a rough patch and are slowly working through it. I have been distracted as of late with some unexpected news, however his letters of support and love have been keeping my head held high. We also celebrated Ariel's birthday last month and of course he made her a beautiful card that is now hanging in her room. We have been discussing all the possibilities of this long term relationship behind bars and weighing in the pros and cons of it all. This has been very hard on the two of us knowing his last few appeals while we've been together have failed and this most recent hit us both really hard, as we believe they didn't bother to even take it seriously. This is a life that I have entered into and for all the stress I've endured I've also shared a lot of laughs, tears and joy with Bagherra. It just seems for every denial we get a piece of us breaks away from one another. It has gotten to the point he can not write me within the first week of the denial because he is afraid of what he will write.
Appeals are very hard to win in the state we both reside. Not many get past the board, nor do many people get a second chance. I know the Governor is trying his best to change how this state judicial system works, yet for every step forward so many prisoners have to take a step back and be put on the back burner. Bagherra is not trying to overturn his conviction. He knows he committed the crime and is willing to pay for that, yet his sentence was very steep. Many men who murder in this state get less time than what Bagherra got. He is trying to reduce his time, as the other two men that were also involved in the crime got much less of a sentence than he did. As I've looked into the crime and into the court documents I realize that Bagherra was singled out for prosecution and did receive the most time for the crime (almost double of what everyone else got). Some thing just did not add up to me. I'm sure everyone says this about their loved one behind bars, yet I truly mean there are things in the report that do not add up. Bagherra has asked me not to talk openly about this so I will leave it at that.
'It's Hard To Wait Around For Something That You Know Might Not Happen, But It's Even Harder To Give Up, When You Know It's Everything You Ever Wanted'
-Unknown
