Finally Phone Calls

Once again it's been a long time! I am back. I'm not sure how long this will last, as I'm not overly open about my relationship. For the last 2 years Bagherra and I have been trying to work things out and it seems we have reached an amazing and happy point. It has been a very stressful couple of months, however it's all been worth it.

Bagherra was transferred, FINALLY, and we now have contact visits and phone calls. The first time he called me he was nervous. I could hear it in his voice. I was at the gym and I went into shock. I could not believe he was calling me. This single phone call brought so many memories and filled my heart with love. I know it sounds crazy, however with more communication I find it harder. He does as well. I'ts hard to say goodbye and it's hard to not want to sit and talk to one another all day - everyday. We ruin a lot of our letters because we somehow always end up talking about it. For a long time I was patient and now I want to know everything now. I must say these calls have brought us a lot closer.

He wants to talk to Ariel more. It is hard with her in school and he does not have a set schedule for calls.  We try to make one, however it doesn't work out the way we have planned. He also is going to start writing her a letter a week and for now I'll write her response, as she is not old enough to write yet. She always wants to talk to him when he calls. It is hard to explain truly who she is. She does know he's her dad, she is just too young to fully grasp that he can not come pick her up or spend time outside of prison with her.

As always our relationship is difficult and only time will tell if it's meant to be. All I know is I love this man more than I can put into words. I do not compare my relationship to other peoples relationships. Every person is different and every situation is different. A lot is different this time around, not only him truly learning from his mistake, he also got a letter about a law change and he qualifies for parole in 8 years. That's right I said EIGHT FXCKING YEARS. It may seem like ages for some of you, however for me it is a lot sooner than 26 years. 

There will always be a struggle regardless. We will always have people who can not understand why we do this and we may even have a few people who stand in our corners to support us. For the most part I'm super private because there are too many unstable people who are allowed to be on the internet. I will be writing more. I will be posting about my visits and my phone calls. I will be posting about m relationship, however as per usual I will not be posting names.

'Preparation can only take you so far, after that you've got to take a few leaps of faith'